Alimony

Alimony was the most contentious issue in my divorce. My wife is a well-educated woman with a master's degree in teaching and a paralegal certification. Now she's going for a second master's degree, this one in school counseling. She worked on and off during our marriage. Despite all this education and experience, I am stuck having to pay her permanent alimony.

The way I see it (along with virtually everyone I've spoken to about the issue), alimony should be a temporary assist, a way for the lower-earning spouse to get back on her feet, get back into the workforce, and restart a career. It should not be a permanent subsidy. New Jersey, in fact, allows for this type of alimony, called "rehabilitative" alimony. New Jersey law also allows for permanent alimony in marriages over 10 years in length, but does not require it. My experience over the past year has shown me that, even though it's not required, it is almost a given in situations like mine, in which there was a long-term marriage (24 years) and a large disparity of earning capability between the two spouses. Virtually every lawyer who looked at or got involved in my case immediately considered it to be a permanent alimony case. That includes my lawyer, her lawyer, most of the lawyers I interviewed, the lawyer I went to for a second opinion, and the two lawyers on the Early Settlement Panel we attended last year. One of them said, "There's not a judge in New Jersey who wouldn't look on this as a permanent alimony case." I know I'm not going to be able to change New Jersey law or overturn its long-established legal practices, so I'm stuck with the situation as it is.

I don't know if such a situation pertains in other states, but from people I've spoken to in both New York and Indiana, permanent alimony is not typically awarded in those states, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's the exception rather than the rule throughout the country. For any New Jersey man contemplating divorce, though, I'd give this advice: do it sooner rather than later (I waited too long and got hit very hard because of the long-term marriage), and get the hell out of New Jersey!