Why New Jersey Sucks Even More Than I Thought

I've been doing a little research on alimony in other states. Texas, for example, has very reasonable and enlightened rules on the subject:

(a) It is the intent of the legislature in this article to provide spousal maintenance primarily as a temporary rehabilitative measure for a divorced spouse whose ability for self-support is lacking or has deteriorated through the passage of time while the spouse was engaged in homemaking activities and whose capital assets are insufficient to provide support.

(b) It is the intent of the legislature in this article that spousal support should be terminated in the shortest reasonable time, not to exceed three years, in which the former spouse is able to be employed or to acquire the necessary skills to become self-supporting. Only in circumstances in which the former spouse cannot become self-supporting by reason of incapacitating physical or mental disability should maintenance be extended beyond this period.

This is exactly the way alimony should work -- a temporary rehabilitative measure to allow the spouse (the wife, in most cases) to get back on her feet -- nothing more. The amount is limited to the lesser of $2500 per month or 20% of the spouse' average monthly gross income per month.

Compare this to New Jersey's evil, twisted, bizarre construct in which a spouse (the man, usually) may be required to pay inordinate amounts of money to his ex forever.

This, of course, is the situation I find myself in. The alimony award to my ex-wife is permanent, and it's a significant fraction of my income -- not only of the income I now earn, but of the income I could ever hope to earn.

It's a horrible situation from my standpoint, but, as with everything else thrust upon me by this divorce, something to which I'll have to adapt.

Here's a link to information about alimony in Texas.

Life After Divorce

Is there life after divorce? And if there is, what is it like? Those are questions I now have to ask myself as my life undergoes enormous changes. Our situation is unusual in that even though we are divorced, we are still living together until we sell our house. (The good news is that we have accepted an offer and the contract is in the attorney review stage, so this phase should be over within 8 weeks or so.) During this period, we are sort of in limbo -- not really married, and not really divorced.

I've been married for 25 years, and returning to single life is going to be a very strange experience indeed. I was married so young that I don't really have much experience as a single adult. Much of the experience I do have is not applicable to the much older person that I am now.

My friends and family have been very supportive, so I think I will make it. I know it's a cliche to say I'm going to take things "one day at a time" (as if there were any other way), but that's just what I plan to do.